It's 1am now and I am wide awake. As expected yet contradictorily expected it. The reason I am now wide awake is not because of the reason I initially thought - over-excited after catching up with big bunch of friends. It is because of this particular person, who is now I hope, resting in peace : Loo Shu Ern. Never thought her news on her death can have a great impact on me that it is so mind-boggling, at the same time sucking away all my positive energy and making me over-paranoid about safety and eternity on this world. I only have vague memories of her - being in the same uniform unit - SAB Ranger - and knowing her as a jovial person. As I recalled, I hope that I did not offend her too deeply with my sharp words and stern attitude. Tinge of guilt imbued me.
Her death, as I heard from Hoo Keen, was during a mission of releasing turtle in the pristine Tioman Island. The mission consisted of only two Malaysian and one of them was her. Realizing that she too had a soft spot on conserving turtle further ached my heart like sprinkling salt on fresh wound. I vowed too to save the beautiful sea creature from extinction and knowing that another person who once interacted with me had got the same big heart tantamount to me really made felt proud. Proud that she made the step before me. Proud that she cared. Proud that she was aware on the detrimental environment that was endangering the turtle life. Proud that from the little moment I had with her, she had made a bigger moment for herself.
19 July 2012. How coincidentally it was Rupinder's birthday. How oblivious and innocuous my thinking was when I first read on what Hoo Keen posted on her death. I refused to believe and denied the name that I read was someone I knew. The more I wrote, the more my heart ached. I was starting to be paranoid that I messaged Shian Feen on her safety as she was in Seatru Program. And also paranoid on the idea of backpacking with Serene in Vietnam. The shudder intensified when my sister objected the notion by perceiving it as dangerous. That, I kind of agree. We both were still very young and naive, I hate to admit. However, it was close to truth - we both had heart to help the poor and this point was enough for us to be deceived.
Danger gives no odour; gives no warning, gives no insight. Nothing is certain - I learned from The Lovely Bone. Shu Ern's incident taught me that every birthday is important for us to realize that God had actually blessed us another year to continue living. This is one thing I never think of - the meaning of birthday. Secondly, I learn that there is seriously no point hating a person for life is seriously very short and unexpected. It is actually a quote I saw on my friend's fb timeline and I finally feel the gist of the line. Imagine if I were hating the late Shu Ern due to her unruly behaviour in Ranger from the past. I bet I would beat myself up if I knew that I still hate her until 19 July. What the hell man.
I would conclude that I would try to overcome the hatred I am having on Liang Kit and Johnson and also, try to make time whenever there is a gathering. Seriously, all this petty things you might now see, can be something you will regret if you continue seeing it that way.
I shall Thank God now to the utmost for not taking away any of my friends and family member (*touch wood*) and vow to repair the wound I might have caused ( on any relationship ) by chance. I am going to start with LK and J. Wish me luck.
R.I.P. Shu Ern. May God bless your family and friends.
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