*Hug*Pat*Caress* Myself

Convivial Jovial Carnival (Citrawarna Za'ba) has finally ended after seven solid months of preparation for this six long event, no words can describe my feeling now. The feeling is exactly the same as one year ago when I totally felt OKAY, no tears, not touched, not emotional on the moment MKC ended. One, is maybe because I am a darn optimistic/positive person that no boundaries or downfall can drag me down. Two, is maybe because I do take this task willingly despite feeling extremely reluctant and indignant. Three, is maybe because throughout the whole seven months, I did received great co-operation from various party be it a CZ member or not.

Which ever it is, I am happy that everything has gone smoothly during carnival. Handling CZ is not as difficult in retrospect. If only I have a cameo or a person diary with me, I hope I recorded all the sweat and tears during the past seven months.

As a flash back, 

#1 I remember how pale and anxious I was waiting for the killing announcement of the new JTK board members, two weeks after MHS. Despite prior prediction that I would be the President for JKP ADIN, I was too, unhappy and shocked of such circumstances. My main objective of being a PM is to learn about the administration of college to ease my path to execute my most passionate environmental awareness programs. However, things are always not beautiful as we always thought. I ended up being appointed as the Director of Citrawarna Za'ba. Something in contrary that I detest and uninterested. 

#2 Totally clueless and aimless when I know CZ would be dominating my time and that I slowly felt that I would fail to accomplish more in my environmental effort, not forgetting academics which has crept to be tougher.

#3 Multitasking, versatile and capable are skills I had developed thanks to CZ again. Juggling with CZ, UMCARES, NVG, POPBL, BAYER, are certainly not within everyone's capacity. But hey, I have managed to go through it once again after the excruciating PM training and MHS week. I remember how I was always absent in the room, only be back at night, feeling drained, fatigue, bacteria-full, sleepy that I ended up sleeping on the floor with laptop bag as pillow. I could not even bother to at least brush my teeth, pee, needless to say bath. All I wanted was to sleep and start afresh the next day. I guessed through out the seven days period, I had practiced such for five or more nights.

#4 I recalled how nervous and awkward I was speaking as the director to all my colleagues who mostly are my good friends and roommates; MT juniors who previously looked me as happy-go-lucky BSS PM MJay; to all seniors CZ members on our missions and visions, my hopes and expectation from them; to all first year juniors who gave me great attendance but only to dwindle as seven months almost reached. 

#5 I recalled how mess up it was in the meetings I conducted initially. I can't help seeing my own weakness - indecisive.

#6 I recalled how pathetic and desperate I was searching everywhere for candidates to be the board members until I recalled that the candidates I found was of low vintage and I regret on my mistakes whenever I saw no initiative, engagement and efforts from them. 

#7 I recalled how I constantly unfolded my own weaknesses: indecisive; weak in commanding people below my position; easily being affected by external factors like typical comments and opinions, weather, people's behaviour despite no words utter; too stereotypical; over-loving to colleagues that they dare to take me for granted and stepped over me; had too much fear and felt introspective in petty little things; hesitated and easily felt guilty even to just asked for mere help.

#8 I recalled how hardworking and earnest I was in reading The Star weekly guide for leadership, self-improvement etc. I always tried my best to apply it in my team only to wake up from my illusion when a senior told me that it is inapplicable if your team is not off an ideal team. True. 

#9 I recalled how much hesitation I carried on shoulder whenever I tried to go beyond boundaries by including lots of new elements: goalball, OKU forum; big eater. All these need tonnes of courage to implement by judging on lots of our limitation particularly the manpower. But we did it. 

#10 I recalled how I was in dismay when some of the problems emerged particularly when the events were already at stake: the uncertainties of Hao Ge presence; the unknown solution and risks after purchasing the 9 x 4.5m long tikar getah; the uncertainties and last minute to obtain lorry from JPPHB; the cancellation of Teh Tarik King; the low manpower for Goalball, Big Eater and Funfair Game setup; the unpredictable weather; the low cooperation and commitment for 1Msia Nite; the bad comments on the Chinese-dominated booth; the last minute publicity effort; the weak management due to low experience by the protokol.

The focus would now change to self-complimentary and self-appreciation:

#1 I am creative in brainstorming for programs in CZ.
#2 I am kind and greatly aware on the needs from all parties.
#3 I am brave and daring to try something new particularly the involvement of OKU residents.
#4 I am fair and just to all members.
#5 I am steady in giving speech.
#6 I have great problem solving skills.
#7 I am able to conduct a meeting well.
#8 I am patient in explaining and handling documentation.
#9 I have numerous friends (refined ones) who did not have second thoughts to help me.
#10 I am good in handling relationship.
#11 I am fun, jovial, optimistic though mischievous at times.

#12 I am as hardworking and strong as a bull that giving up is never in my dictionary.

#13 I am persevere and determined.
#14 I am rational.
#15 I am a multi-tasker.
#16 I am friendly and helpful to juniors and others.


I officially signed off as the Director of Citrawarna Za'ba 2012/2013. Hope the next generation is able to come out with more innovative idea to suit the current fast pacing world.

THIS.IS.IT.

I can't believe it. I have made up to this point which in the inception, I only saw a narrow path from a far.

Tonight would be the Opening Ceremony of Citrawarna Za'ba. An event which I once hated and vowed not to join as committee anymore. However, here I am, burrowing my own labyrinth to success in organizing it; squeezing every single drop of creativity I myself have never realized I could collect more than one litre of it; being so much tougher than iron woman, bearing the myriad of responsibilities; at the same time disappointed and challenged deeply by the committee members; shot by ferocious bullets of criticism (for good at least); undergone numerous patience test; non-stop multitasking; drained mentally and physically yet keeping up optimism; dreaming about all the jarring incident that could possibly happened; etc.

Being a Director.

I am proud to say, I have done a great great job. Coordinating, delegating, brainstorming, engaging, speaking, solving problems, independence, capable, positive thinker, highly committed and again, highly caliber. You have done really great job. Whatever happens, happens. No qualms, no returns, no whine, no anger.


Thursday afternoon. Is also another historical day. Waiting everyday for unknown phone calls just to end up feeling more disappointed during the month of March. And until 31st of March marked the end of my waiting and hopes just gushed away. Would it be because my proposal did not reach on time? Or would it be because I crapped a lot of unnecessary things in it? Competition, I assumed was very high that I was not up to the beat yet.

But on one fine afternoon while cracking head on preparing IWM presentation slides, my phone vibration jolted me up from my seat. Picking up, I did not believe with my ears that it was from Bayer. Though I was not very shocked till jaw dropped, I actually felt very much in dilemma.


To be continue.....

Messy Messy Night

It feels like an azure blue curtain drapes the porch of my house; a sign of bracing day ahead. A scene that I wish to gaze long till the sunlight pours through the grid window. Seven days of my mid sem break has passed and during this fleeting period, I would say that I am in vicious cycle.

Vicious because, every wake in the morning is not really an invigorating one but it is overwhelmed with heaps and long lists of undone. Vicious because, I am carrying the world on my shoulder. Vicious because, of the repercussion of being austere.

Wake up. Nescafe. Glimpse through the tabloid. Scurry downstairs. Prancing fingers on white and black keys. Pressing the computer on button. Being grasp by the to-do list. Checking on the stock. Only to let my misbehaving fingers to drift toward the FB icon. Tee-tee-tap-tap-tee-tee-tap-tap. As if FB inbox is my email inbox. Information is travelling swiftly. Only to let the eyes catching it. Grasping every single info. All these haste and chase accumulated for seven days. It drains me. It instill rancour towards facebook. I need a break. Seriously I am planning to deactivate my facebook after CZ. I loathe it when information come to me in such erratic way. Every day seems to be getting more ardous.

I would never leap away from this rotating wheel if I continue to have expectations on myself. Just when two nights ago I was wishing for someone to take me out for a break, a sweet escape or a vent for me to exhale, today, brother effervescently asked me out to Borders to spend our book voucher. He, has turned a little bit over 360 degree. His return casts positive aura. It is undeniably felt by the facade of the house too when gleaming light seems to spread in expanse. He has been more disarmed, less morose towards mother and I. Surprisingly. Gentle and more decent.

Dad too has gone a little more air than normal. How come he become more chatty, humourous, friendly, vibrant, delightful, loving than ever? Even when Li Gor passed away, he could still joke around with me.

Just yesterday I berated silently over my sister indignant behaviour, how much I loathe it!

However, today has a more vibrant ambience. Mostly because of my brother's decent behaviour. Everything is good and I do treasure today despite feeling drained and awful.

To Practice My Vocabulary

I would like to compliment my endeavor and diligence in Citrawarna Za'ba (CZ), National Varsity Guidance (NVG) and UMCARES. No leader (at least I like to presume it this way) has been more optimistic and intrepid to be innovative. OKU Forum is my most anticipated event despite the cynic who has once labelled this idea as preposterous in virtue of his fear of low turnout. Despite the possible fiasco, I try my best to put aside the abominable thinking and move forward because I have dozens of OKU students to back me up. All I can say to myself with finger crossed is "break a leg".

It's a blessing in disguise now that Firdaus and I have kinda bonded to form our own clique. Should I thank my own over-worrisome that Akmar would bungle the task I entrusted? Or should I blame myself instead for behaving like an omniscient leader? Anyhow, I am super glad that the polling date for the 13th GE would be on 5th of May 2013 which also means that it does not clash with CZ. Thus, with the hope that all well ends well, I would just continue my conviction as an omniscient leader. I just can't wait to for an exotic start after my major event ends! Part of me also wanted to rejuvenate myself at a nook. Just to sum up, my life ever since entering UM or ever since I read the book "Dare to Fail" by Billy Lim, my life practically turned 360 degree for a better change and also the more eccentric me.

In the past, I would be freaked out, or acting like a cat on a hot brick if at this leisure time, I am blogging or doing something of not academically-related. I'll seriously taut, guilt-stricken and blood boiling at 100 degree C! But hey, I'm now a more nonchalant person that lead a erratic and wayward life no one can ever imagine! Time for me right now, though constrained and limited, I still manage to find time for others. Just like the how sand and water can still fill up pebbles-full bottle. I have also been more a fastidious person. I slowly begin to feel that it has sort of like turned into OCD! I would shriek my lungs out silently in my heart if I see my committee being careless on small details which is why I would perceive them to bungle their task.

To end the day, 9GAG is always the most epic laughter medicine. Why are they always so exaggerating yet so true?

LOLLL!

BN 2013 Manifesto : Memulihara Sumber Semula Jadi

In 5 Years, they promise to:

1) Provide financial incentive for commercial and private premises that invest on renewable green technology source i.e. solar power and biomass;

2) Allocate more spaces as green zone in urban area;

3) Conserve river and tributaries by increasing financial allocation, enforcement of law,
enhancement of special programs efforts (UNDP and Sungai Nadi Kehidupan);

4) Enhance education program in instilling love for Mother Nature;

5) Conserve the forest and execute reforestation program;

6) Enforce stricter law to prevent illegal deforestation in strategic areas;

7) Applying of green technology in solid waste management.

So far, they have:

1) Introduce Sungai Nadi Kehidupan project which involve the allocation
of RM500 millions to transform Klang River into a more vibrant and high economic value area;

2) Establish Malaysia Green Technology Corporation for research purpose and efficient renewable energy development;

3) Introduce Green Technology Financial Scheme to provide easy loan for companies that contribute to manufacturing and usage of green technology based products;

4) Amend the 2011 Renewable Energy Act as a voluntary commitment to reduce greenhouse gases emission by 40% carbon intensity by 2020.

#source : http://www.manifestopru13.com/bahasamelayu.php

Just For Laugh When Your Dose Has Not Arrived T.T

Glee Episode 18, u cepat cepat keluar la.....

Thus, as substitute aka sweet escape ::

My fav:: the conspiracy

I cant wait for CZ to finish!

The Departure

Today, 9 April 2013, is the departure of our dearest Li Gor (second aunt from the paternal side). Gazing at her portrait exudes the contagious aura of laughter. Her cheerful and booming voice that would no longer be available to shake all the birds on the tree during the CNY visit would always, always be embedded in my heart. It happened too swiftly though it did not make me in tears. February '12 CNY was still lively one. Spiderweb-like creases at the corner of her eyes, her haste in serving us her best stapled braised herbal duck and also longan tauhu fa. I wish to hug her tightly now.

Last sight on her did gave me some goosebumps but soon I learned to accept that the immaculately beautiful her, was sleeping comfortably in the soft and cozy coffin. And I wonder, at the age of 74, did she ever thought of Mr Death come knocking on the door this way with Mr Cancer as a gift?

May you Rest In Peace lying next to your beloved husband, and may you find your parents and Tua Gor at another world.

We'll certainly miss you.

The Bracing Joy of Being Alone

"Desperate calls for desperate measures" - as quoted by crazy yet energetic Grace. 

Wake up in the morning feeling utterly unease because of few undone errands: book shopping via voucher, new bag hunting, yearn for treat for myself - a ring, lipice lipbalm and bakeries from either Auntie Annes's or Bread History.

Unable to get Serene, Tong Kwun and Patrick for accompanying me made me milling alone from Times Square to KLCC. Cladded with white blouse and dress-turned-ankle-length-skirt, I pranced gleefully with my sandals despite stares. Partly because of the beautiful and special attire I donned and the delight I felt for being dainty and comfortable under my skin and also because the chain-less freedom I felt with my own feet, heading where ever I want.

First mission was completed effortlessly in TS. Likable bag for favourable price only at RM39.90 and its by Everlast!

Next would be the one that I always yearn: Lipice! because I want a reddish-pink lip that would not make my face pale and seems as if insufficient of blood but yet, I dont want it to be too reddish and glossy. Thus, LipIce would be the best choice for it follows the natural shade of our lip! How cool is that, and it expires at 2015! Hehe...

And at last, the arrival in Kinokuniya despite the long brisk walk. Horror story would be my pick but the biggest satisfaction is not only able to buy Stephen King book but also Donna Tart's Little Friend which cost me an extortionate RM60.20! But government paid for me of course XD

For someone who do not have much targeted books to purchase, Reader Digest is highly recommended to purchase so as not to loss the balance in free voucher.

Another example/recommendation is to buy Mum a cook book and also a stationery! LOL

 Prior to setting off home, a treat for better self is encouraged! Parmeson Cheese Pretzel~~

And prior to reaching home, do enjoy drama of a sea of red shirt employees of banks, "hoo-ah-ing" slogan vaguely. All the best and I shall read more about you in tomorrow's tabloid!!!

*signing off to bed*

Mid Sem Break = $$$$

Yeah! It's mid sem break and thanks to my senior, I realize that I have not been treasuring myself ever since then.

"Dressing up is an act of self LOVING."

It jerked me up from my comfort zone, There are many ways of loving yourselves. I won't say I love myself no, because I am feeding myself with as much knowledge and experience as possible so that I can be a better self = LoVIng MySelf.

Compared to putting makeup, buying fine clothes, dying hair, which these are the physical/external expression of self-loved, mine is more to internal expression. I tried my best to sleep early particularly from 11pm to 1am of the clock so that my liver would have ample rest; I read newspaper daily to increase general knowledge and consequently able to engage conversation; I eat oats everyday for breakfast to ensure the best kickstart for my health; I exercise frequently; I fight to so that I'll be able to live correspondingly with my passion; I took the courage to pursue my dreams, and that I'll be living my life to the fullest and no regrets which will then lead to HappY me = LoVIng MySelF.

That's my way, but of course I still can add on the list and love myself in more ways in term of physical presentation. Dressing up better, eating better food, using better products, praising self on the efforts done.

___________________________________________________________________________________

I have lots to accomplish in my everyday life regardless of the season; ima living life to fullest. And the list for this time, in paradox, I dare not and choose not to type it out lest it adds the burden from the dismay after seven days of this mid sem break season. So I'll just go on whenever time allows me, this time with checklist and timetable but a lax one. The planning and checklist must go on to prevent missing out of important things. And I would like to stop nattering here; start acting (:

p/s: I felt much better after expressing my self in previous post.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Just to rectify :: not only does Mid Sem Break = $$$, but also, courage = $$$

If it isn't because of my bold move and strong belief in my passion for environment, I wouldn't have chosen this course, getting to know Chuck and Jaron in UM, being CZ president, a PM, NVG Vice president, core volunteers in UMCARES, doing numerous though small scale environmental activities which I yearned for long ever since tender, meeting Prof. Aga and obtaining knowledge from him, befriended Shian Feen (bestie), Chai Hong (the very delicate and exudes pinky-cute-refined aura) and Chee Jing (someone who cracked great jokes abruptly) and then producing Shine 4 Shine Study Group LOL! etc.....

Life is full of hope. Apparently, Chin How loves my aura and me being enthusiastic on even small things. Not forgetting Grace too who once complimented me being energetic and booming despite one whole hectic day. For some (like Choppy and bro), might think that my enthusiasm is a bit way too exaggerating, but for Chin How and Grace, they think that it is a good thing. And what about me? It's silly that I was torn between which was the right one. The now me simple would just shed it off by saying out loud that THIS IS ME! AND IM LOVING IT! Being enthusiastic and happy-go-lucky in life in my strength. And I put label on it. IT IS A STRENGTH. Care what other defines it coz I DEFINE IT.

And by saying $$$ doesn't really mean the cash itself only. It is also an epitome of knowledge, self-development and maturity which when other elements combined together would lead you to wealth  =D